Cruise Ship Discovers 8th Continent – Nations Now Debate Who Gets To Exploit the Natural Resources and Kill Off the Indigenous Population

© 2015 The World Post Times

A Royal Caribbean International cruise ship with persons from over 40 different nations on board, accidently discovered a new continent in the southern hemisphere in the Pacific Ocean, between South America and New Zealand.  The new discovery has sparked a worldwide controversy between dozens of nations as to who may stake a claim to the new land and strip the new continent of its natural resources and desolate the unsuspecting peaceful indigenous population.

  Leading geographers and other scientists from around the world expressed astonishment and amazement how a land mass this size had not been discovered until now.  The new continent is believed to cover an area of over 3.2 million square miles, slightly larger than Australia.

Esteemed atmospheric scientist Dr. Edward Klockenstein speculated that numerous factors kept the continent from being discovered, including the unique ocean currents and wind patterns that keeps most of the continent under cloud cover, and the simple fact that “Apparently nobody has ever looked for the land because most everybody assumed something this big would have been found by somebody else by now.”

In the United States, NASA admitted that due to general laziness and a desire to spend most of its budget on party supplies, for many decades it has simply filled in satellite images in that area with blue images, as it has done with many other areas of the oceans.  NASA’s Administrator William Reeves issued a statement, “We’re kind of embarrassed here at NASA that we’ve been caught cheating on the satellite images all this time.  I suppose if we’d actually sent a man to the moon back in 1969 we would have seen this land mass a long time ago.  But who would have guessed there was a whole continent over there?”

Many of the cruise ship guests report there appear to be a large group of indigenous people in the new land, who seem very peaceful.  The exciting news of an entire population of people ripe for exploitation and destruction has triggered a debate between the traditional European exploration powers for the right to determine who gets to go in first and strip the continent of its natural resources and infect the indigenous population with deadly diseases. But it is not just the old traditional European powers who want to ravage the continent, as new powers such as the United States and China are also claiming a stake to ravage the new land and its people.

United States President Barrack Obama issued a statement that because the Royal Caribbean ship is owned by an American company, the land should belong to the United States.  And besides, said Obama, it is time that one of the newer world powers be given the chance to exploit a newly discovered land. “Britain and Spain had their fun pillaging new worlds.  Now it should be our turn.”  Obama did hint, however, that it might actually be more profitable for the United States to let other countries spend a fortune to develop the continent, and then simply invade it later.   

Canada also claims the land, and plans to bring its claim in front of the International Court of Justice.  Martha Higgins from New Glasgow, Nova Scotia, Canada, who was playing shuffleboard on the top deck near the bow of the ship, claims she saw the new land first.  “I saw it first when I was taking a picture of [my husband] Leo with his fancy new hat when the sun was rising,” said the 79 year old native Canadian.

“I don’t think that means Canada gets to claim the whole continent though,” said international law expert, Michael Hannah.  Canada’s Prime Minister Stephen Harper disagrees.  “The land belongs to Canada.  Mrs. Higgins saw it first, and there are several witnesses to back up her claim. We’ve already named the land ‘Higginsland’ in honor of Mrs. Higgins.”  

The government of Spain issued an official statement that the right of pillaging should be a no-brainer, as Spain is ready to regain its former glory.  “Spain has always been in the forefront of pilfering resources from every corner of the world.  Spain is the unqualified leader in wiping out entire populations of peaceful peoples in return for even the most meniscal financial gain.  With our rich history for greed and callousness, how could one even consider giving the task to anybody else?”

Italy’s Prime Minister Matteo Renzi scoffed at Spain’s statement. “Spain? Who is Spain? Spain couldn’t hold a candle to Italy when it comes to devastating entire cultures to satisfy the selfish whims and desires of its leaders,” said Renzi. “Besides, we’re going to show that Italy discovered and claimed this land over 500 years ago, but decided to let it age like a fine bottle of Italian wine. Wait until we find those old maps where Marco Polo, Amerigo Vespucci, or one of those other suave Italian explorers found this land first. Just give us a few weeks, those maps will show up.”   

Portugal’s Prime Minster Pedro Passos Coelho stated that his country intends to compete with Spain “just like the good old days when Portugal was relevant.” He stated the Portuguese will send an exploration crew down to the new continent to start rebuilding the Portuguese Empire, as soon as Portugal finds a ship that can float.

Queen Elizabeth II announced that Britain has already drawn up plans to develop a colony in the new land to become part of the United Kingdom.  The Queen stated Britain will sustain the colony until the British people lose interest in it, then at such time they will let the colony wallow in misery for as long as possible before granting it independence when it becomes too expensive to maintain.

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