Soon this beaver will be hopping around the grasslands of Australia, replacing this red kangaroo, who will be busy building dams in the lakes and mountains of Canada’s wilderness
© 2014 The World Post Times
CANBERRA, AUSTRALIA -- In an historic exchange of culture between two friendly nations on the opposite sides of the world, the leaders of Canada and Australia announced they will swap their entire populations of red kangaroos and North American beavers on Canada Day, July 1, to celebrate the two nations’ solidarity in the British Commonwealth. As the Canadian beaver population is estimated to be about 7.5 million, to even up the trade for the 11 million red kangaroo, Canada will also ship to Australia 3.5 million “animals to be named later,” most likely an assortment of raccoons, wolverines and badgers.
Australian Prime Minister Tony Abbott, who spearheaded the epic exchange with Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper, stated “Don’t get me wrong, we have nothing against the red ‘roos, but we thought the beavers would be a nice change of pace for Australia. As a nation, we’re kind of bored with kangaroos. We can’t wait to see those beavers hopping around the rangelands with their big tails!” Abbott also gave assurance that Australia was swapping only its population of red kangaroos, and will keep all three species of its grey kangaroos, which outnumber the reds, “so Australia will still have millions of kangaroos, and more wallabies than you can shake a stick at.”
In Canada, Harper commented on the enormous popularity of the beaver-kangaroo trade. “We’ve discovered that nobody in Canada particularly likes the beavers anyway” but “our polls show that Canadians simply love the kangaroos.” In order to maintain Canada’s vast wilderness in its present state, the Canadians have already instituted a program to teach the kangaroos to build dams. “You can’t say we haven’t planned ahead” said Harper.
To further foster the cultural exchange in a more urban-like manner, the nations will also jointly introduce a herd of one hundred moose from Manitoba into the Sydney central business district, and a hundred koala bears will be strategically placed in Montreal’s public subway system “and then let nature take its course.”
A mere hour after the program was announced, environmentalists from around the world expressed shock and outrage.
Greenpeace spokesperson Claire Smith called for immediate action to stop the exchange. “Setting aside the horrific damage to the environment and the sheer amount of carnage and devastation that will occur when trying to capture and move these animals across the world, even assuming it could be done, somebody needs to understand that the kangaroos could not survive the first winter in Canada, and the beavers are semi-aquatic and at best, could survive only in a few select portions of Australia. For God’s sake, this insanity needs to be stopped.”
The prime ministers scoffed at the criticism. “Tell them to go hug a tree,” said Prime Minister Harper. Prime Minister Abbott added “Right, we’re not going to let a few radical environmentalists tell us how to run our countries.”
The official Canada Day poster for July 1, 2014